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The Rewards for NOT taking Responsibility in Life
The Rewards for NOT taking Responsibility in Life
It’s a fascinating and thought provoking theme that we talk about in all our trainings. The assumption I’m referring to is Cause and Effect. The idea that there’s an equation – on one side is being at Cause where the individual takes personal responsibility for the results they are getting (or not getting) in life and looks for solutions to overcome any obstacles in their quest to achieve their chosen goals and outcomes. On the other side of the equation is being at the Effect – having lots of reasons aka excuses for not achieving those desired outcomes, the individual views themself as a victim of circumstance with no power to create any change. They are living life by default.
We live in a world today where, in some contexts, the individual is actually being rewarded for not being at Cause, making being at Effect and having heaps of excuses a more attractive proposition. This of course perpetuates this point of view leading to a “blame culture” where someone “has to pay because X has happened to me.”
If the individual is searching for someone to blame and someone to pay, then that means that they have to maintain their current state of being. Because, let’s face it, if they chose to move to the Cause side of the equation that would mean they themselves would have to take some responsibility for their life AND consequently lose the PERCEIVED benefit from being at the Effect.
For example, someone who stays in an unhealthy relationship where they are victimised by their partner/spouse may stay in that relationship because they have lots of well meaning friends and family who dish out lots of hugs and sympathy due to the situation. Or someone may stay in a job they loathe because the money is good and the role is secure. We call this secondary gain.
What’s secondary gain? It’s a common occurrence these days where an individual gets a benefit from having a problem that actually outweighs the benefit of getting rid of the problem itself. So they perception is that it’s better to keep the problem(s), plus it’s easier to keep hold of the problem(s) if you don’t take any responsibility for them....
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